ARE YOU EXPECTING TOO MUCH (OR TOO LITTLE)?

In my coaching and training of leaders one of the questions that is often posed in one form or another, “How do I know if I am expecting too much or too little of my direct reports?”

Managing expectations is a vastly underutilized skill. Not everyone does it well, but maybe if more did, we could avoid a lot of the day-to-day drama that goes on in many workplaces.

We all have expectations that colour our experiences, our attitudes and our behaviours. Ultimately our expectations create our sense of success or failure. If expectations are unrealistically high they cause internal and external stress and will see a subtle but powerful backlash commence. If they set expectations too low they cause disengagement and low performance, inadvertently extinguishing motivation, initiative, and growth.

There are different types of expectations:

• Expectations we have of ourselves
• Expectations we have of our direct reports
• Expectations of others in the organisation (and the organisation of itself)
• How we communication our expectations
• How we manage the emotions (ours and others) around expectations.

Leaders who know how to manage expectations are able to more seamlessly manage themselves and staff so they are engaged and produce great results.

We are all managing unmet expectations. How you deal with that fact can make you or break you. It’s true that disappointment and discouragement are near the top of the list among the things that leaders struggle with. Both of these experiences can distract and derail leaders.

When it comes to your expectations as a leader, they have a profound impact on how you perceive yourself and how you lead.

3 TRUTHS ABOUT LEADERSHIP EXPECTATIONS

1. EXPECTATIONS ARE PART OF THE LEADERSHIP PROCESS.

Leaders believe in a vision not yet accomplished. They possess a certain expectation of success. They expect and possess a hope in a brighter future. This belief is part of what drives leaders forward. If there were no expectation for the future, innovation would be missing and leaders wouldn’t have energy to sustain authentic leadership. A clear and certain expectation will take you to places you have not been.

High Expectations are Good

When you think of the most important men and women of any time, you think of men and women who aspired to greatness and who had high expectations for themselves and high expectations of others. When you aim to live out the highest standards, principles and values, you are aspiring to make a difference in the world around you.

High expectations can have a positive effect; people need a high bar to stretch towards.

Many leaders take it too far. They slip too easily into criticism of themselves and those around them that we move from good stress (that which motivates us forward) to distress (that which immobilises). People feel shamed, others, and ourselves for failing and we make things worse.

Lynn Taylor, a workplace expert and author of Tam Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behaviour and Thrive in your Job, says “Demanding bosses give you unreasonable deadlines, are not in tune with the hours it takes to meet objectives, won’t take the time to find out in advance what’s reasonable, can display little interest in your well-being, have trouble prioritizing, and give you little recognition when you do complete Herculean tasks. They may not take the time to see if you have the tools or information you need to accomplish your assignments, and can make themselves unapproachable so that your only option seems to be: just do it.”

Why might a leader have overly high expectations?

Normally leaders are high capacity individuals. They have the capacity of working long hours, juggling multiple things, and dealing with stressful situation. This makes many leaders inclined to expect others to replicate their action and thus expect too much.

2. EXPECTATIONS CAN CAUSE YOU TO OVER-LEAD OR UNDER-LEAD.

Aiming low (under-lead) to avoid disappointment, or in order to play it safe is not the behaviour of a good leader. I love the cartoon of Charlie Brown shooting arrows into a big sheet of paper. He shoots the arrows then walks up and draws the target around the arrows! That makes us smile, but that’s not a good picture of leadership expectations. We don’t have to settle.

Some leaders under-lead! How does this happen? Those who work for them are clueless about what success looks like—the expectations for it have never been clearly outlined and communicated by their boss. Sometimes this is simply because the leader has never stopped to think about what their expectations are and what success looks like. Operating without this information, these works feel insecure, upset, and powerless about their jobs. They feel that if they only knew what their leader expected, they could then determine how to manage it effectively.

Many leaders feel uncomfortable with holding people accountable. Unfortunately the result is some employees push the boundaries and see what they can get away with. This lack of leadership can causes chaos. Having low expectations is a sure way to ultimately create the environment where your team becomes complacent and demotivated.

On the flip side, an overly demanding boss can be extremely difficult to work with, and their behaviour often causes a spike in stress levels, and a decline in morale and productivity. While a little bit of pressure can inspire workers to rise to the challenge, people who work for overly demanding bosses usually feel frustrated that their efforts are not rewarded, and as a result, they are unlikely to continue to pump out high quality work.

Taylor says. “Whatever the root cause, these types of bosses are often like unruly toddlers who act as if the world really does revolve around them. Asking nicely doesn’t always occur to these bosses, and so the onus is on you to break your silence and be the voice of reason.”

3. EXPECTATIONS REQUIRE A STRONG GRASP OF REALITY IN ORDER TO LEAD WELL.

As a leader you have a certain and finite amount of energy. Use it wisely. Don’t fret about the things you can’t control. Focus on what you can control.
The essence of right-sized expectations is to know how to blend to “make” something happen that is out of your hands, your expectations will get the best of you.

To do this there are 2 parts that a leader needs to uncover:

A. What do you want? This is one of my favourite questions to ask leaders. In some ways it comes from an opposite direction compared to the first question. This gets under the skin and revels your real expectations. For instance, one leader might say, “I want my direct reports to get things right.” Another, “I want my direct reports to do it a certain way,” And another, “I want my direct reports to flourish and succeed.” Understanding what you want as an end state helps you develop strategies to get there or to realise you expectations are unhelpful. It also helps you communicate these expectations to those around you.

B. What is the capacity and constraints? This is about being realistic about the skills, time availability, and workloads. There will be other constraints that need to be factored in: budget, equipment, and reliance on other departments or individuals.

Considering these two parts will help you to have a realistic expectation of yourself and others.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR EXPECTATIONS ARE REALISTIC?

Here are a few guidelines that I use when setting realistic yet stretching expectations for myself and/or my team. These can apply in all cases and all times – overall performance, daily activity, skill development, and team behaviour.

STRETCH GOALS

Set your expectations so they push the ball down the court. It needs to be challenging, that causes people to stretch (not break). If you remember when you were at school and university and were set assignments that you thought, “I don’t know how to do this!” yet because of the expectations of the lecturer, you did it. That emotional reaction is normal, but the leader needs to be aware of the reaction and manage it.

We oftentimes have an initial emotional reaction to an expectation that is out of our comfort zone. It will force us to change. It will force us to do things differently. As leaders, be aware that your higher expectations may cause your team to have these emotional reactions. Help your team to work through this part of the process and embrace the challenge.

REALISTIC CAPACITY
Higher expectations should be based on some relevant benchmarks. What is the current level of performance? What is the best in the industry? What are the best activities and behaviours? It is easy to expect performance higher than our current level, but without some relevant benchmarks, we run the risk of alienating and discouraging our teams. This is a journey, but we want to set some markers to recognize and reward growth.

When looking at capacity, don’t let urgency be the determinate of expectation. Look at the whole picture, all of the work priorities and the stress levels of the team.

DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
People often get into hot water when they assume a co-worker, vendor, or supervisor knows what they expect or even what they’re talking about.

Don’t fall into the trap of assuming someone has the same understanding of a situation, project, deadline, or task that you do. You can avoid this pitfall by having a conversation in which you openly discuss what’s expected, how it might be accomplished, and how success will be measured. Remember to leave plenty of opportunities for questions. This is also the time to agree and commit to what will be delivered, when. When something is going to be completed is one of the most common points of miscommunication.

COMMUNICATE CLEARLY
One of the best ways to manage expectations is to make sure you communicate with everyone on a frequent basis. In the early stages of a new project or as a key milestone or deadline approaches, you may want to even over-communicate.

Sure, it might be more work on your part, but it’s especially important if you have a new team that isn’t used to working together, or new leadership that may not have developed a level of trust in the team’s ability to deliver. Better safe than sorry.

By holding frequent check-ins throughout the course of a project, you also have the chance to provide real-time status updates and manage any delays, risks, or blockers. When you’re proactively honest and transparent in your communication, you have room to put a Plan B in place, if needed, or the flexibility of making new decisions as you move toward the finish line. Being honest about a delay is a thousand times better than promising to deliver and then missing your deadline.
There should be a clear definition of the expected higher level of performance. I have witnessed leaders who use ambiguous expectations and demonstrated continuous disappointment to attempt to maximize productivity of an organization. Expectedly, the results were low morale, poor teamwork, political manoeuvring, and high turnover. Let’s define our expectations clearly in advance that result in agreement and action.

If you can satisfy these guidelines for the expectations for yourself and your team, you will be on the Journey to Higher Performance.

ASK FOR PUSH BACK
You may have done everything to make your expectations realistic and achievable. To ensure they are, you need to give those around you permission push back. A leader needs to be open to feedback that tells them they are pushing too hard, being uneven in their expectations of different team members, not communicating expectations clearly enough etc.

Defining questions to ask yourself if your expectations are too high:

1. What is it that annoys me about this person’s behaviour?
2. Do I have unrealistic expectations of myself in this situation?
3. Are my expectations realistic given their situation?
4. Looking through a supportive filter how would my thoughts be different towards them?
5. What is my ideal outcome for this situation?
6. What will I do/think/say differently to support that ideal outcome?

WHAT ABOUT WHEN SOMEONE DOESN’T MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS?

If you or someone who reports to you misses the mark, learn from it. Don’t panic. In each leadership experience you have, (it’s an ongoing process), learn how to better set and manage your expectations. This is best accomplished according to an honest and accurate assessment of reality, as it continually unfolds. Show compassion to those who didn’t hit the mark, whilst also reinforcing your expectations to learn and maintain high standards.