AWAYS TOO MUCH TO DO! HELP!!!!

Why we overcommit

It has been a while since I have written a blog post, mostly because of holidays but also a very busy work schedule. This has caused me to reflect on a lifetime habit of over-commitment. I have done a lot of self-reflection and research into this issue with the intention to break this habit once and for all (and serve those who read this blog because I have observed that this is a huge issue within all of the leaders and organisations I consult with). I trust this blog post is helpful.

Packed calendars and ceaseless schedules are they the result of:

A. Too much work and unrealistic expectations from around you or

B. A tendency to overcommit?

I am sure there is truth within both statements.

One of the highest motivations for many of my executive coaching clients initially engage me is because of being overwhelmed with their workload.

Many of them come to me believing that it is (A) simply a lot work. They therefore diagnose themselves as having productivity’ or time management issue’.

“Help Craig, I need to get better at dealing with email, priorities; I am simply not getting time to be strategic in my role”.

Whilst there are always ways to become more efficient and effective, and I know all of my clients have dramatically improved in these areas through some techniques, focusing on option A lets us off the bigger hook.

THE “ONE DAY” MYTH

Personally, when it comes to overcommitting myself, there have been seasons where I have been telling myself that one day’ soon my workload will become more manageable. After a particularly busy season where I have tried to pack too much into my calendar I promise myself I will learn how to schedule more realistically.

Many simply try to become more efficient, looking for time management tactics, which ignores the deeper issue.

Others simple acquiesce with the demands and work harder and harder. This has many damaging side effects: two for us, and two organisationally.

Negative Side-Effects of Overcommitting ON YOU

1. Feel like you are failing. You look around and think others are coping, why aren’t I. You think you aren’t as smart or as competent as others. The imposter syndrome can kick in. This can result in pushing even harder, working even longer.
2. Stuck in a reactive mode. Things come at us; and all we do is react. We are at the mercy of others agenda’s. This becomes a vicious cycle where we can’t see any way out of this dynamic. It takes a lot of time and effort to carve out the mental energy and time necessary to move into a proactive and strategic mode. The interesting thing is when we make this effort to be strategic then the reactive work subsides (I didn’t say goes – this will always remain)

Negative Side-Effects of Overcommitting ORGANISATIONALLY:

1. Reinforces the expectations. If we simple respond and adapt to the workflow and workload then the organisation’ accepts that their expectations are okay and normalises what they are asking for.
2. Maintains the planning environment. When we overcommit and do more than is reasonable’ we are often covering up for a lack of disciplined thought about priorities. The organisation doesn’t see that it needs to change and become more focused and disciplined way.

WHY DO WE OVERCOMMITT?

What makes us cram so much onto our to-do lists? Why do we consistently push to maintain a pace more appropriate for the round-the-world reality show, than for normal, daily life?

The simple answer: there is so much to do! That is only part of the issue.

High-achieving people commit. That is what makes then successful. However, then, they commit again. And then, they commit one more time. And then, another time. And each time they do, they move a little closer to the bright red flashing lights flashing “Too much, Too much, Too much”..

High-achieving people overcommit for so many different reasons and to so many different things that it’s hard to keep up some times—for them as well as others. They overcommit to their jobs. They overcommit to causes. They agree to do favours for friends or colleagues. They volunteer to help at their child’s school or a community organization (sometimes both). And while these acts—some selfless, some not—are certainly laudable, they can add hundreds of hours (and stress) to an already overscheduled life.

Sherrie Bourg Carter Psy.D (Psychology Today) tells us that “Over commitment is often a consequence of “poor limit setting,” which is one of the biggest problems high-achieving people face. “Poor limit setting” means that you have trouble setting appropriate boundaries on your behaviour or the behaviour of others. In short, you have trouble saying no. A colleague calls for a favour; you do it even if you don’t have the time. The boss asks you to accept a new assignment, you accept it even if you have no time in your schedule to devote to a new project”.

However, researchers have found there is another reason we overcommit so often.

Apparently, we believe we’ll have more free time in the future. It rarely happens, but we hardly ever learn from the experience. Instead, we keep piling on commitments, and then we stress out trying to keep our word.

Gal Zauberman, PhD, of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and John Lynch Jr., PhD, of Duke University, research found that people believed that both time and money would be more available in “a month” than “today,” and believed it more strongly for time than for money. A deeper investigation of a psychological phenomenon called “delay discounting,” in which people tend to lessen the importance of future rewards, showed that people also discounted future time more than both gains and losses in future money.

The key here is to assume that you won’t have as much time as you think. Much like the principle of giving yourself more time than you think you’ll actually need to get somewhere so to avoid being late, we should allow more time for everything else we plan to do; in case we balls up our projected time management.

“Many of us have accepted invitations weeks or months in advance to do a review for journal … serve on some committee … or travel to give a talk, only to regret our decision when the time arrived. ‘Yes’ was often followed eventually by ‘Damn!’” says Gal Zauberman “If the same invitations had required more immediate action, we would have said, ‘No, I’m too busy.’ But when asked in advance, we imagine that we will be less busy in the future. Why do we fall prey to the same mistakes again and again?”

At the very heart of overcommitting are our fears, particularly the fear of disappointing someone.

Confronting fears is a critical part of shifting this pattern. So often we over-commit because we are afraid to say, “no.” Sometimes, we are just afraid of disappointing someone. Or getting fired. Or not having enough work. Or missing an opportunity.

5 WAYS TO REDUCE OVERCOMMITTMENT

Does any of this sound familiar? If so, here are a few remedies for a bad case of over-commitment.

1. Resist Being Mr or Ms Fix-It-All

High-achievers tend to jump in and fix a problem as soon as it hits their radar screen, even when it’s not their problem. Resist! Let others take care of it. They may not do it as quickly or as good as you might, but I assure you, if you weren’t there, it would somehow get done. And it will if you resist.

This might mean something doesn’t get done or even fails’. The biggest thing you will have to grapple with is guilt. “I should have….” Is common self-talk when we are used to being Mr or Ms Fix-It-All.

The other thing we need to grapple with is that our ego’s are very much attached to this’ reason for over-committing. The real reason some of us over-commit is that it makes us feel important and special to be seen as the go to person. Our ego’s might take a hit is someone else does the job and does it well.

2. The Art of Saying No: Practice It!

Sometimes, high-achievers commit to something because they’re caught off guard when the favour is asked and they don’t have what they think is a “good reason” to say no. The truth is you don’t need a good reason to say no. But if you feel that way, then it helps to be prepared, and the only way to be prepared is to practice. At the very least ask for time to think about the request and say you’ll respond later.

Think of situations that have come up in the past, and then experiment with polite ways to say no. Actually say it out loud so that when the time arises you’re comfortable with the words. For example, practice saying, “That sounds like a really good cause, but I don’t have the time to devote to it.” Or “It’s so nice of you to think of me, but I can’t add anything else to my plate right now.” Or maybe, “I’m sorry. I don’t have any more room in my schedule to commit to something new.” If it makes you feel better and you can do it right at that moment, you might even recommend someone else to do the job. For example, you might say, “I don’t have time to take on another client, but my associate is accepting new cases.”

3. Negotiate Win-Win

If it is your boss making the request, it may not be practical to say no, however you may negotiate either the timing or changing priorities.

For instance, “Okay, I can do that but I have 3 other priorities that I have committed too. I can either do what you have requested but I can’t start until or you can help work out which priority deadline needs to be shifted.”

Not everyone will have that flexibility, but if they do, it could be a win-win for everyone involved. Just make sure to give yourself enough time. If anything, negotiate for more time than you’ll need. If you’re available earlier, the person (or whoever) will be happy and you’ll feel less stressed. Most importantly, however, be prepared to walk away with a “no, thank you” if the time can’t be worked out.

4. Reassess your calendar consistently

Perhaps there are some things that you can get out of, or push the timeline back in to buy yourself some additional time. Believe me, I think it is important to keep my commitments but that doesn’t mean I can’t request a release, ask for an extension, or delegate to someone else.

To manage your calendar here are some keys:

• Protect the basics. I will look at my current priorities and make sure I have allocated time for them in my schedule. I especially have to build-in time in the time alone, that I have time to actually get my work done. I will schedule these as appointments. (This is particularly important as you get busier.)
• Eliminate the non-essentials. Sometimes I make commitments that seem to be important when I schedule them. However, after further reflection, I realize that they aren’t that important. So, to the extent possible, I am going to either cancel these meetings or see if I can handle them another way.
• Re-schedule some of what remains. Some things are important, but they are not important now. I like to get things done as soon as possible, but this some times works against me. So, I plan to go through my calendar and see what can be postponed without significant consequences.
• Do the next most important thing. Worrying about everything I must get done is unproductive. It only creates anxiety. Yes, my workload may look impossible, but why dwell on it? Instead, I am trying to focus on the next most important thing—and keep moving. I try not to get ahead of myself.
• Get sufficient rest. I can tackle almost anything, provided I’ve had a good nights sleep. When I get tired (as my wife can attest), I lose perspective. I also find it difficult to focus and become easily distracted. Two hours in the morning after a good night’s sleep are way more productive for me than two hours at night when I am worn out.

5. Create realistic time allocation

When working with people to achieve less stress or more balance in their lives, I’ve found the overriding factor which causes the problem is trying to squeeze too much in. Allocate specific time for each task. This allows you to plan and gives you the opportunity to examine the time required for each task and decide what it will take to do this efficiently.

As the study I previously referenced, people mostly underestimate how much time each task will take. When you allow yourself more than enough time, you reduce the stress and pressure on yourself. I encourage you to examine the tasks you want to do and add 50% to your estimated time, thereby giving yourself a cushion of time, allowing you to finish all you set out to do without stress. When you have time left over, you can choose what you want to do with it. There is a much greater feeling of satisfaction when you complete the 3 tasks you set out to do and have some time spare. This is much better than the feelings of frustration and failure when you complete only 3 of the 10 tasks you’d originally set for yourself.

Counting the cost

When it comes to overcommitting the calculation we do is:

Lots of work + needs to be done = work longer hours.

That just seems to be the equations of modern executive life.

We need to change some things to our equation.

Lots of work that could be done + discerning the most important (strategic) + capacity to work sustainability + cost of high stress on our bodies + cost of lost time with key relationships = Setting limits more discerningly